am i egoistical?

am i a prefectionist?

am i naive?

am i pessimistic?

been critically analysing my every single move. been thinking endlessly of my actions that it had made me numb. am i just dumb to continue with something that don't seem to have a happy ending?

or is there a happy ending at all to begin with?

i am just looking for trouble. my recent actions have caused me to be worn out and all depressed. i longed to be the cheery self i was. i was contented with what i had...then i became greedy and wanted more.

life is just unpredictable, adding a spice from the even more unpredictable homophabiens around me just doesn't help.

i just need a break. i feel like quitting? i have a feeling this time i wont turn back on my decision. i feel its just dumb of me to turn back on my sensible decision to jump over the cliff and be trusting. or maybe i was too naive to even think that such happiness actually exists. why does it seem so hard for me? it doesn't seem to be that hard to others...w h y...

been trying not to change myself, but some things are just done without thinking.
i am being unfair to myself and to the people around me.

its not that people don't understand me. they understood me too well and know i'll be doing the same predictable stupid thing to care. egoistical or just plain dumb?
i dont really feel like i can go on like this. =(

what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger